Cause I miss you, most at Christmas time

Christmas is upon us again and the many stressors and pressures that come along with it are here. I feel like there is some unwritten, unspoken standard I have to live up to in order to please Brandon’s family. My gifts should be perfect, and I should be perfect. I’m really just tired of trying to please people and live up to their expectations. Last year, I was the happiest person in the world, but somehow things have changed between Brandon and I. He used to say that I was the most important person in his life and he would do anything for me, but he doesn’t say that anymore nor does he express it. Maybe it’s because I haven’t seen him in two weeks that I just feel unloved, or maybe it’s because I really am unloved. My complaining about us has gotten worse and I know it affects him, but all I’ve ever wanted is for him to notice that the little things are important to me. He’s so wrapped up in doing things for his family, unnecessary things that they could easily ask his brother to do, playing with his car that he’s going to drag race, etc. Seeing me, spending time with me, loving me is not a priority on his list, not like it used to be. As we’ve grown together over these last few years, I’ve headed down the more mature relationship path and he is headed in the opposite direction. I get that he has the money to do things that he didn’t get to do before and I should respect that, but what about the things I’ve sacrificed? Yes, I’m 21 and I should be doing things that normal 21 year olds do, but I just want to spend time with my boyfriend, the guy I was head over heels in love with. I’ve been trying to keep the fire burning, but it’s hard to do that when someone keeps throwing water on it. Where’s the magic, the passion, the surprise, the love? I don’t want to wave the white flag and surrender, I don’t want to give up on something we’ve worked on since high school, but do I have a choice anymore? Maybe we’re really not meant to be together anymore. A friend of mine told me that there is more than one soul mate out there for us, but if that’s true then where is this other person? My brain is riddled with questions about us and whether or not things should just end. I might be more devastated than him if they did, and that’s what hurts.

On a completely different note, I miss my dog. I miss her more than anything and she should have been here for Christmas. Someone could have done something to save her, the vet was an idiot and I blame him for not giving my dog the proper medication. She kept me happy and I’m not sure another dog could steal my heart the way she did. I don’t remember much of my life before the age of 5, and that’s when we got her, so she essentially was there ever since I could remember. Fifteen years of my life with a companion unlike any other is gone. The memories are wonderful and I’m glad I have them, but I just wish she could have held on a bit longer. Life is depressing. I have no idea what to do with myself these days. When are things going to get better?

Hot, Hot, Hot, Hot

I found it quite coincidental that I chose to watch The Number 23 on April 23. Weird, ehh?? I really didn’t plan that at all and I only realized it because my dad pointed it out. He’s a brilliant man. That movie was ridiculously long and annoying. I haven’t actually finished it (15 minutes remain) because my parents made me give up the television, but it’s definitely a movie I’ll never watch again. Jim Carrey’s voice alone makes me want to stab someone, specifically him. The entire concept of this film is somewhat interesting, but it’s much too slow and repetitive. I should have counted how many times the number 23 was uttered because I’m sure it was well over 100. So far, the only thing I really like is the ending because it’s slightly unexpected. Maybe it’s just me but I’d rather watch The Cable Guy.

Shout It Out

Now it’s time for more word vomit. I HATE people. To be more specific, I hate senior citizens and stuck up punk ass bitches. Seriously, I cannot stand how rude and inconsiderate people are these days. First of all, get the fuck over yourself. You are not the center of the universe nor will you ever be. I despise all living, breathing idiots that act self absorbed. Sure,  being a bitch is necessary at times, but what the hell is wrong with being nice every once in a while? I know what you’re thinking, “Kristina you’re not a nice person at all.” Well, to be honest, I’m not. But I can be and I usually am until someone brings me down or gives me shit about something. I find it quite enjoyable to be happy, but obviously fucking douche bags don’t think I deserve to be.

I pose this age old question, “Can’t we all just get along?” I’ve discovered an appropriate answer and that answer is most definitely not. Some people just aren’t likable, some people are morons, some people yell and talk too much, some people are too quiet, some people are airheads, some people are geniuses, some people hate the human race, some people are bound to clicks by religion, and so on and so forth. I guess I need to realize that there will always be hate in this world for other individuals. You can’t be happy all the time, and if you are then I want to know what you’re smoking. Not everyone can coincide/coexist in the same groups, or get along for that matter. We weren’t meant to all fit together like a puzzle and no matter what, we’ll never all get along with one another. It’s impossible, period.

We’re Not Going To Take It

Next semester is going to be very spacey. My schedule isn’t too bad; Monday and Wednesday I have late classes, and Tuesday and Thursday I have early classes. Friday I have absolutely no classes and I couldn’t be more excited. What will I spend my fabulous Fridays doing?? Only time will tell. Now then, I’m going to finish watching “Women Who Kill.”

Long Road To Ruin

I was late to CRJS this morning, what a pity. There was an accident on 64 but I didn’t see any smashed up vehicles or blood splattered asphalt. However, I did get to enjoy 2 miles worth of lovely traffic which brought me to the conclusion that people can’t drive because there were absolutely no abnormalities on the interstate. Apparently the sight of a cop car makes other drivers panic and slam on brakes. Seriously, they’re not going to pull you for going 1 mph over the speed limit so dropping down 5 mph isn’t necessary.

Well, I find myself running out of things to say. Bye.

Wouldn’t It Be Nice

Again, I feel the need to write about my cousin. She decided to stay out all night last night and didn’t tell anyone. She had my mom up at 2:30 in the morning worrying about her and when she finally got in contact, Kelela said she didn’t want to come home. How can someone be so inconsiderate? We let her into our home so she’s not out on the street and then she acts so disrepectfully. Now she doesn’t know if she wants to stay here or not, and my guess is that she’ll move out. At least I know how to come home, damn. What an ignorant child. I guess she’s more like her mother than I thought.

We Were Both 18 And It Felt So Right; Sleeping All Day, Staying Up All Night

My cousin and sex are two things I never want to think about, but yesterday I was forced to. Because Brandon said something to me last night, something so ridiculous and innocuous, my cousin kept looking at me weird. She followed me around my house repeating his comment and shaking her head at me. I wanted to hit her. This is when our “talk” came into play. In my book, if you’re not in love and you’re being pressured to have sex, than it’s not the right time and he/she is not the right person. In Kelela’s world, being pressured is okay. I’m about to put her business out here, and considering no one knows who she is, I don’t care. She openly admitted that she has had sex with three guys, all of which were her boyfriend at that time, thank God, and that she felt slightly pressured but went ahead and did it. Her stupidity amazes me, but because she has had on going family problems for most of her life, I allow her a huge margin of error. I think she feels superior to me because she’s performed these “acts of love” with three different individuals, whereas I–well, we’re not going to discuss my private life. Superior or not, I really don’t give a damn because I’m better than that. But yeah, I’m trying to set a good example so she doesn’t go around having sex with every boyfriend she gets; she’s not a whore. I’m trying to bestow my wonderful knowledge and common sense upon her, but it’s going to take longer than I anticipated.  Well, time is of the essence and I’m all out. This was a very scattered and unfinished piece of writing and…

Three Little Birds

I love this weather. It feels so relaxing and fabulous. Unfortunately, it makes me want to go to the beach and that’s not possible right now. That’s okay, I’ll just wait until it’s summer. “Don’t worry about a thing.”  I’m feeling very annoyed with everything and everyone. Maybe I’m just going into my usual depressed mode..nah. My tummy is growling and I’m guessing it’s because I’m hungry. That was an innocuous statement. FIN.

Just Another Night..

Three more weeks left, oh the anticipation. These last few weeks better fly or I’m going to be slightly depressed..until Summer comes!! I’m tired and normally after someone works out they’re energized. Something must be wrong with me. Haha, I’m crazy. That’s about all there is to it. Krissy asked to be my friend on myspace, she’s got some balls. I hate that chick. Myspace is lame anyways so it doesn’t really matter, and I’m in college and she’s like 16. What a loser, haha.

I Wish You Well

I don’t like how this blog is set up anymore. Looking to the left of the page to write is not easy for me. I’m extremely tired, irritable, and slightly depressed. I’ve been working on my outline and paper for a while now and I’ve decided to finish the paper tomorrow. I had to stop to make time to study for accounting since I blew the last exam. He really should put more questions on his tests, no wonder I’m not doing so well. Heath is being a massive idiot and I hate it. Every time I try to talk to the kid he blows me off. Why does everyone do that to me?! Allison doesn’t ever respond, but that’s because she’s a fucking stuck up “married” bitch. It feels good to get that out of my system sometimes. This is going to be the last thing I do before I go to sleep. Yeah, and I’m done.