Things are completely out of wack right now. Brandon and I haven’t been together for over a month now, but our recent rendezvous has left me more confused than ever. He told me all of this stuff about how he still loves me, wants to be with me and in the end believes we will be together, but I feel like he’s changing his tune now. I never should have given in and said “I love you.” I’m such a fool. I was so strong the other day and now I’m crumbling. I do love him, but the feeling isn’t as strong and I don’t have that spark, the “I’m in love with you” spark. He doesn’t have it either, I can tell. We both love each other and are attracted to each other, but I’m not sure that we could ever be “in love” again. It’s actually very disheartening to me and I would prefer to not think about it anymore. Damn me. I was doing so well before I got dinner with him. I’m my own worst enemy.
I’m getting dinner tonight with Robbie, but after all of this tragic mess with Brandon I’m just not feeling it. Boys know how to ninja mind rape me. Gahhh! I’m ready for some clarity and for my plan to start working the way it was supposed to. I hate the unknown.
